Friday, April 29, 2011

Still Proud to be British

My family and I were up at 4.00am Trinidad time (-5 GMT) to watch the Royal Wedding.
Even though I live several thousands of miles away from my England and the tears flowed, today was a wonderful day. Spectacular! 

In these days of constant bad news the Royal wedding was a breath of fresh air that lifted many hearts. If anyone thought the British monarchy is a thing of the past, think again. I saw today that patriotism is alive well in the United Kingdom  that is why the 'Great' can never be taken out of Britain.
Today, as every day I am still  proud to be British.
Photographs taken from the London Daily Mail

Monday, April 25, 2011

Lament of Butter Fingers


Photograph courtesy of  Tess Kinkaid, Magpie Tales

I cry tears of
And despair
Unable to stop
Reds blues greens
And yellows
Shooting up into the air

In uncontrollable 
 And dire thirst
I made a total hash
Of opening
My bag of

Barbara M Lake ©
April 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Mission On

Photograph courtesy of Tess Kinkaid, Magpie Tales
My name is not Bond,
James Bond
I don't care if my martini
Is shaken, not stirred
My name is Oluf,
Oluf Reed-Olsen
Norwegian by birth
But here in your land
I too am an agent
But not a fictional one
And as I sit here
At supper 
Being served 
Two eggs on my plate
I know
The mission is on 

Barbara M Lake ©
April 2011

Happy Easter

Whatever your faith and beliefs, I'm sending warm wishes to everyone for a very happy Easter whether you celebrate it as a religious festival or just a plain old holiday.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Betrayal and Healing

This post is dedicated to two dear girl friends who are finding their way back.

Betrayal hurts and there is no fast and easy way to heal from its effects.  It takes more than time.  It takes a heart that will not harden.  Krystal Kuehn 

You find out that your husband is having an affair.
You find out that your wife is having an affair.
You find out that your partner is having an affair.
You find out that your best friend wants your husband.
You find out that your best friend wants your wife.
You find out that your lover doesn't want the same things that you do.
You find out that your best friend told someone your secret. 
You find that a person you thought was a friend has stabbed you in the back.

There is 'no worst kind of betrayal'.  Betrayal is betrayal. Betrayal which ever way one looks at it, is no fun and recovering from it is no picnic.  I would hazard a guess and say that most of us, if not all, have experienced betrayal in some form or other during our life time.

No matter how one experiences betrayal, it will change your view of and feelings for, the betrayer.    It doesn't matter whether it's husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or friend, that's the reality.  Relationships with spouses, lovers and friends are based on trust and the breaking of trust can have devastating effects. Betrayal affects the mind, heart and spirit.

Betrayal involves a sense of loss and so it follows, there will be pain, anger and grief.  That's the bad   news.  The good news is that we can survive betrayal. It's not totally impossible for a relationship after betrayal to be healed even though the violation of trust is so painful mentally and in most cases, physically too.  Some relationships survive the betrayal, others no matter how hard the parties involved try,  do not.

There is a process to be gone through.  First of all there is disbelief  and when the truth sets in, shock quickly follows.  From here on, interaction with the betrayer will not be the same.  How could it be?  Emotions of all kinds surface. Immediate anger, feelings of unreality interspersed with feelings of self doubt, blame, self blame, denial and grief  all of which can make us angry all over again.   We have to give ourselves time to acknowledge these emotions and to grieve.  Most of us come to the realization with great sadness, that the relationship we are grieving for, can never be quite  the same again. That marks the beginnings of the healing process when the only emotion left to feel is a deep sadness.

I have (had) a friend, a very good friend.  We had been through a great deal together.  She is not everyone's cup of tea and I was warned by numerous people that if ever anything went wrong, she'd eat me alive.  I chose to ignore all those warnings.  I knew how she could be and yes, she was a little rough around the edges but my reasoning was that  I saw a different side of her - the gentler side, the caring side - or so I thought.  I'm normally a good judge of character and rightly or wrongly,  have always tended to make a decision about someone the first time I meet them.  But we can all become distracted or sucked in and decide that we were wrong about that person - especially in the event that he/she seems to be much nicer than you originally thought.  Well the burning news is that the first decision you make (in my case anyway) always turns out to be the right one and if in the meantime, you did allow that person into your life, the results after a run in can be devastating.

Around this time last year something happened involving a close member of my friend's family.  Because of its serious nature and the people involved, it inevitably blew up into a scandal.  Because I have legitimate access to certain information I knew about it before it hit the ground.  I did not discuss it with anyone.  My friend was not aware of anything until the scandal broke.  She then became furious with me because she knew that I would have known of the situation and her thinking was that as we were friends, I should have given her the heads up.  She was not interested in my reasoning that what came to me was confidential and even as a friend, I would not disclose what I knew. 

It did not stop there.  As a result of her anger with me and in a bid to cover her own involvement in the scandal, she proceeded to spread lies about me, to assassinate my character and worst of all spread the rumour amongst my colleagues and peers that I was the one who ensured that the scandal broke.  Nothing could have been further from the truth. People who have known me for years began to believe her  It became so bad that I threatened legal action.  Whilst keeping a brave face throughout the weeks that followed I was very angry, hurt and the toll was illness.  I had been betrayed.  Not betrayed in the sense that she had divulged some great secret I had shared but betrayed in the sense that she had stabbed me in the back.  A normal reaction to betrayal  is to want to retaliate. That doesn't solve anything.  It only lengthens the time it takes to heal. 'An eye for an eye........' is definitely a bad idea!

It has taken me most of the last nine months to come to terms with what happened. At the beginning I was very angry with myself that I went against my better judgement and first instinct which was not to allow her into my life. Oh I really beat myself up over that one and became very tired of the 'I told you soes'.  I hurt, I cried and I grieved.. Then  one morning I woke up and told myself that I was using up energy on something that I could not do anything about.  So in my mind, I forgave her. I prayed for her and I forgave her. I forgave the lies and the betrayal of the friendship.  That does not mean that I will ever interact with her again.  I won't.  But that's my decision and the path I choose to take.  That path is not for everyone. 

When we are grieving we  become distracted. We may not look after ourselves properly.  We can become so tired that  we don't even know what day it is.  It can seem that we are on auto pilot. We get through each day because we have to, trying to ignore the empty hole in the pit of our stomach and the nausea that can come with the emptiness.  Emotional tiredness is the worst kind of tiredness - no one other than yourself suffers.

After a betrayal one has to decide whether or not it is possible to salvage the relationship.  All parties have to know up front that the likelihood of the relationship ever being the same as before, is highly improbable but that doesn't mean it can't be worked through. For a start, the betrayed may find it hard to feel safe again, to trust again and even show love again and it is then up to the betrayer to put their best foot forward and do all in their power to make the other party feel comfortable once again.  Healing takes time, working through broken relationships takes time. In a marriage or a committed  relationship, counselling may be of help to those who wish to forgive and move on but have come up against a stumbling block.  Whether we stay together or part the most important thing in the healing process is the ability to forgive.  Never easy but an essential ingredient if we are to live the rest of out lives without bitterness.

For those of us who believe in God and pray, there is an enormous comfort in knowing that no matter what, He will never betray us.

Jesus was betrayed.  He knows all about betrayal,  The betrayer sent Him to his death.  Our betrayers send us down that path and a little of something inside, as a result of their actions against us, dies.  But healing and forgiveness give us the edge - every time.

Barbara M Lake  ©
April 2011
Trinidad W1

Friday, April 15, 2011

Among Friends

Magpie 61

Photograph courtesy Tess Kinkaid, Magpie Tales

Authentic French bread
A runny Brie
And rounds
Of Camembert
Bunches of grapes
Mediterranean peaches
Glasses of wine

A Côtes du Rhonê
A  Sancerre
From the Loire
Or a Chardonnay
From the Chablis 
A Premier Cru?

Summer evenings
Al fresco
Winter nights
Round candlelit
Kitchen table
Talk and laughter 
Among dear friends 
Raise a glass
To good company

Barbara M Lake ©
April 2011
Trinidad WI

Monday, April 11, 2011

My Lent

During this season of Lent I am being well and trully tested.  My patience is at rock bottom and I have gone into zero tolerance mode.  My good intentions of attempting to be a better person seem to have failed miserably, I have no time for those I consider to be stupid and worst of all I am not being very understanding of those whose work ethics are nil.  That is why I have reels of duct tape in my desk drawer at this time of the year!!


The only consolation I have at the moment is that when one is doing the Lord's work, one must expect to be attacked.   

 However I sometimes I think the devil gets too much credit!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

A Peaceful Sunday

If anyone visits,  I am around - just terribly busy, work wise.    

I am wishing you all a very peaceful and happy Sunday. 

Be blessed!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bubbles of Nothing


Photograph courtesy of Tess Kinkaid, Magpie Tales

They could be drops of water
On a window but  they're not
They could be many craters
On the moon but they're not

They could be tumbling tears
On a cheek but they're not
They could be healed  scars
On dark skin but they're not

They could be tiny holes 
In a loofah but they're not
They could be particles of dust
On a duster but they're not

They could be honeyed nougat
In a chocolate but they're not
They could be powder sherbets
On a lolly but they're not

  What are these mystery droplets
That delight many mouths afar?
They're delicious chocolate bubbles
 In a Nestlé  Aero bar!

Barbara M Lake ©
April 2011
Trinidad WI

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