Yup, I've done it again. I haven't posted for over a month. No Magpies, no titbits, no updates. Sometimes I forget that I used to be an avid blogger with daily posts covering everything from household happenings to world events. Today I look around and I see destruction. I see wars that should never have been allowed to happen. I see people fleeing their homes, barbarism, an unwillingness by those who could, send help to those going through hell because they are of a different faith and a terrible, terrible fear comes over me that if this is allowed to continue, we will all eventually be affected. Closer to home, in the last seven days - the first beginning last Friday, I know five families who have each lost a loved one. It is totally overwhelming and whilst I do so want to write, I cannot get myself together to a find a topic that would be uplifting, humorous and intelligent. I could of course write about the present government in Trinidad and Tobago but given its shenanigans, am not sure that that would be labelled 'Humorous' or just plain 'Sad'. I could write about the intersection on new highway in my area that seems to have stumped a great many motorists and from where I am sitting, can hear numerous bangs one of which resulted in a death. That would come under 'Stupidity' because people do not read the signs. I could also write about the upcoming 2015 General Election but that would have to have the heading 'Dirty Politricks' and because of what is already going on, I cannot face that yet. I could talk about the reaction of Trinidadians to the fifty two armoured vehicles that the government thought necessary to bring into the country as if they were expecting a war along the lines of Israel and Palestine or the Syrian government and ISAL but I'm not sure what that would come under. 'Over the Top' perhaps? I could write about my frustration on the work front because in the past, that was always good for a smile or giggle. But downright hostility is not good for the soul although I could write about it under "Affecting My Spirit". To those who are suffering, who are grieving, who feel that there is nothing left for them, I say 'take heart'. There is always hope. Whilst there is breath, there is always hope and whilst there is life no matter how bad it may seem, there is always hope.
I know, I know! I've been remiss of late. I don't or rather haven't written as I used to. I could give a million reasons but there's no point.
For those who have been with me for years, the above picture will be familiar. I have used it on several occasions when writing about a disturbed spirit, depression, an inability to focus, dramas ahead and the like. In fact, it is one of my favourite pics and one day I fully expect someone to contact me and tell me that I cannot use it as it belongs to him/her. Bit like the cake! I found a picture on Google of a beautiful cake and used it when writing a humorous piece on how to bake a Christmas cake. After a couple of years the owner of the picture contacted me asking me to remove it as every time the cake was Googled, the searcher ended up on my page instead of hers. I was mortified, couldn't stop apologizing and could quite understand why she would be pissed off. Hers is a serious foodie page - mine a mish-mash of good, evil, fun and sometime in the past when my heart and soul was into blogging, terribly, terribly serious subjects.
However, I digress - which of course is my wont.
The past three days have seen that black cloud hanging around. Yesterday morning it had me in tears. (Daughter: "did you take your happy pills?") even though the evening before I attended my first ever Taizé event after which I was supposed to be uplifted. That's an entirely different blog. Not the supposed upliftment, but the event. And because I copied and pasted Taizé from its site, I now have a white background which I cannot get rid of!
So this morning there I was in my 'second' office when a girlfriend arrived to do some business. She took one look at me and asked me what on earth was wrong. Was it really showing?? I'm normally excellent with the mask that hides the pain. She didn't wait for an answer (I would have lied anyway!) and said "'You need chocolate. Dark chocolate!". I said if she had some on her I would have a piece to which she said, "if I had some on me, there wouldn't be any". That figures! I haven't eaten chocolate for weeks, and weeks and weeks........not since an ever-so-slightly-over-the-acceptable bad cholesterol count was discovered. At this point I do not want to see another almond or oat for a long time!
Friend, after talking about a possible sugar drop left, ensuring I was serious when I said I didn't want chocolate. I continued to go through the motions of every day business. It was as though I was on autopilot.
Ten minutes later friend returns smiling, throws a black bag at me as she says 'never tell me what not to do'. I took out a bar of Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate and suddenly it was imperative that I ate it.
I did actually hold off for a while - at least until she had gone and then had the first piece. The bar of 190 calories actually lasted until after lunch.
I am aware that it's said that there are tremendous health benefits in dark chocolate which supposedly include lowering the likelihood of heart attacks/strokes/blood inflammation/diabetes and of all things on an even more positive note, improves the skin. Forget the acne. That was a myth. Flavonoids found in dark chocolate protect the skin from the sun's UV rays. So they say.
So all in all, given the pluses of the chocolate and red wine, I should be feeling great. I'm not. The cloud is still there. Perhaps it really is because I am out of chocolate and only have white wine in the house!