Sunday, December 10, 2017

Depression's a Bitch

This is supposed to be a happy time.

This is supposed to be a time of hope, joy, waiting, expectation and love.

It's supposed to be but for me, it's not.   I can hardly see through the tears as I  write. Regardless of the love of my children, some close and dear friends, I am engulfed by absolute sadness, loneliness, and utter desperation.

I am over sensitive to personal remarks made that I am supposed to laugh at.  I don't know how I am managing it, but I  am very close to telling people to fuck off.

I will go to work tomorrow, put on the face, wear the pearls and tell anyone who asks that I am 'absolutely fine'.

Reality is that I know I have once again, sunk into a depression and that weaning myself off anti-depressants over the last few months really was not a good idea.

I am tired but I will,  as I promised my daughter yesterday, go to the doctor this coming week because I really am beyond putting a brave face on it. and not finding joy in anything around me.

I try to be positive but wonder if it's all worth it.

I wrote the following in 2009.

The Jester

The quiz I took


Said
In Medieval times
I was a jester
Today
A natural entertainer
One who can
Raise a laugh from the toughest
The quiz I took
Said
In Medieval times
I was a jester
Today
A maker of friends
One who knows
The popular rich and powerful
The quiz I took
Said
In Medieval times
I was a jester
Today
A political animal
One who can play
The diplomatic game
The quiz I took
Said
In modern times
I am an actor
Or world leader
One who is good
At getting along
The quiz I took
Did not say
In modern times
The actor in me
Like the jester of old
Masks the tears
Wears the smile
And hides the pain


� BML J
Trinidad, WI 


January 2009 ©










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