Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Something Affecting My Spirit

Something Affecting My Spirit

Last week was a very strange week for me. It was more than just feeling ‘off’. My spirit was greatly disturbed. One could say that it was because a couple I know lost their daughter who was living in Switzerland, to an undiagnosed disease or that my boss’s cousin’s son was murdered last week. A young woman from the same area as the twenty four year who was shot in his back, was killed in a car accident on Friday night. In a twelve hour period between last Friday and Saturday, there were seven murders.
By last Saturday evening, seventy seven murders for the year. There is an opinion out there that there is a ‘hit squad’ comprising of security services personnel which is ‘popping off’ gang leaders and known ‘bad boys’. I don’t know about that but I do know that innocent people are being gunned down at an alarming rate.
Last Saturday my department held a Day of Prayer and Fasting for the Nation. We do this annually, two Saturdays before Carnival weekend. Some people may think that given the crime rate and the inability of the government to curb it, prayers are a waste of time as they obviously aren’t being answered. But on the whole this is a praying nation and well all else fails. Perhaps if the nation had prayed a bit harder in the first place we wouldn't be in this damn mess!!!!
So there I was, putting last week’s unexplained feelings of doom down to the fact that what was going on in Trinidad together with some of the things going on in my life, were affecting my spirit.
Then I read a friend's blog on another site. It was about a vision she had seen and she was questioning whether or not she had really seen it, dreamed it and or had hallucinated. I read it three times before I commented and even then, felt that I hadn’t hit the nail on the head and hadn’t been able for some reason, to say what I really wanted to. The words would not come. A friend and I had a discussion about it and although we didn’t have time to finish the conversation, we did agree that something was going on because there is ‘something in the air’ so to speak. The writer of the blog said she had a ‘nagging feeling’. I know that feeling – I get it when my spirit is disturbed. Some may call it their aura. I call it my spirit.
On Saturday when I came in I had a discussion with my daughter. I have been somewhat pissed off with my ‘angel’ of late (last week) as felt, unusually for her, that she had been distant and unapproachable. The result of her behaviour was that I switched off. During our discussion she opened up. The talk was good and one thing I learned was that she too was feeling the same disturbance I was feeling. Hers was so bad that she cut off from everyone, refused to go anywhere except to work and the Law Institute and had not returned friends’ phone calls and texts. My sociable, life and soul of the party daughter? My immediate reaction was that she was depressed/ overwhelmed with work and study. Depression? Please no. I had to stop myself from going into panic mode because I didn’t think that I could deal with that. One member of the family on ‘happy pills’ is quite enough thank you! I found myself telling her about the disturbing blog, my comment and my discussion with my friend. Her reaction to the blog story was immediate.
“You are wrong! She did not see a ghost. She saw a spirit. There is a difference”.

My daughter then proceeded to tell me what had happened to her last Monday. It was her day off, she was home alone and sleeping. She was awakened by a feeling of pressure bearing down on her. She could move nothing but her eyes and she heard voices ‘whispering to each other’. The only word she could make out being said was “Baptism”. She said she prayed and prayed as she normally does when this happens and eventually after what seemed an age,the voices stopped and she was able to move. She was not ‘freaked out’ as one might imagine because as she said, ‘she’s used to it’. A few weeks ago she woke in the night to see a figure sitting on a shelf in her bedroom. She feels that whatever it is, follows her from place to place and is more prevalent when she is involved in something religious/spiritual i.e. a bible study.
My daughter knew it wasn’t my mother visiting as she is normally gentle and comes wafting perfume! The day I received the news that a friend of old had died, I asked my daughter if she remembered me remarking a couple of days earlier (the day he left) that I could smell Chanel No 5 in my bedroom. I wasn’t using it. I was using Coco but he used to give me bottles of No 5 which is my preferred perfume.

My friend talked about the month of February and I wondered if I was feeling like this because my mother’s anniversary is in February. My daughter says I am always like this in February. I am not so sure. Why am I not like this in the month of December which is the month my father died? Or January when my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother died? I was very, very close to my grandfather.

This is not meant to be morbid but more a questioning as to what is going on that is affecting some of us? It is not as though we live within miles of each other. My two friends live thousands of miles away from me. Is it that those of us who are are particularly sensitive are more aware and affected by the unseen? I am a mere lay person and no expert but being one that dreams disasters, I am of the belief that everyone has the gift of ‘seeing’. It depends on how one chooses to use that gift. My daughter chooses to suppress it. I don’t seem to have a choice. But what I do believe is that at different times we can be on different spiritual levels. When I am taking my spirituality seriously (I know that there are times when I am spiritually dry, when I cannot pray, when my faith doesn’t sustain me, when I doubt – even Mother Theresa doubted!), I am on a different spiritual level; a higher level and as I always say, “spiritually tuned in”. It is during those times that the dreams come. My mother used to call it my sixth sense but when it became really strong, she freaked out and told me to keep my dreams to myself. My daughter however and my husband take it in their stride. My son doesn’t want to know!! He like his grandmother, freaks out!!!
So again, I ask, what is going on that affects some of us at the moment?
I am sure there are some people out there who are also of the Catholic persuasion who would like me to have my head examined but this has nothing to do with my religion. It has to do with my spirituality. After all, I know some Catholic priests who have amazing gifts for which they would have been hung, drawn and quartered not so very long ago!!!

So, how's your spirit?


  1. Okay...I am not being troubled by bad dreams, but there is a reason why I'm not. I asked to
    be relieved of this gift when I dreamed that
    my mother would die from her last surgery. I
    wasn't allowed to tell her; the closest I could
    get to any sort of warning was telling her this
    would be her third surgery and that each time one was "put under", there was a chance one might not ever come out from "under".

    Dreams are necessary if one ever expects to rest; I made myself ill from lack of dreaming.
    I have only recently re-started dreams and am
    now able to rest better, but the Lord is being
    gracious and none have been of the foretelling
    sort. When I am completely ready, I feel I will once again dream the dreams I am meant to.

  2. In answer to your last question in the blog, How is your spirit? I can only respond tired. Very tired.

  3. There is a shifting in the air. I sense it too. Yet, I was born with a tender spirit forever in conflict, it seems, with a logical mind. So does listening to both make me holistic? LOL

    Big hugs to you and your lovely daughter. You're not alone, but you obviously know that. ;~P


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